I guess I’ve taken a 3 week vacation from writing. I didn’t intend to, and didn’t realize till today how long it’s been since I last wrote an entry. I’ve been struggling a lot with understanding why I’m writing, who I want to write for, what I want to say in general. And my writing has been bringing up old memories and feelings as well, that I’ve wanted to focus on. About the time I stopped writing I had realized that it would help me to go back into therapy again, but I wasn’t quite ready to bring that up to Jim, my husband – and so that was another issue to think about.
So, what I did do during these last few weeks was to write down a topic heading, say …. IF I had written that day…. What would my topic have been? And for my own note taking, to also jot down what else I did that day.
So – just to get me current – today I’m going to put out that list of all the topics that were missed! Perhaps at some point I’ll come back to them, probably will actually, but they won’t get their 1200 word treatment today.
1 – A book I’ve been reading – Rise Above by Ralph Braun. It was given to me by a sales guy at the place where my Chair Topper is serviced. I was waiting around, and looked like I needed something “inspirational” to read I guess. This kind of book drives me crazy. The title alone is annoying.
2 – 7/13 was the Anniversary of my going home from rehab – another milestone from 1973 –and the beginning of another phase of changes.
3 – parking issues – oh boy, lots of material here. But one day I parked in a non-handicapped spot because all the H spots were taken, and the store was one I REALLY wanted to go to. The non-H spots were fairly large so I could get out ok, and I took that chance I’d get parked in. Been a LONG time since I did this when out alone.
4 – HOT HOT HOT – I can’t handle the heat at all anymore. AC running non stop
5 – My physical therapist gave her stamp of approval for my new chair. I’m very glad. I do sit up straighter, not perfect, but better.
6 – Wrote a letter to Tilite (the chair manufacturer) complaining about the arms – too heavy, hard to put on and off. Also sent a positive testimonial and photos since they were nice enough to swap out the higher arms for lower ones for free.
7 – another parking day – spent time previewing the area around an event I’ll attend in August, mostly puzzling out parking issues. I know there are people who pre drive a route and check parking when are going someplace new, but I’m not usually one of them!
8 – Got alterations done of several shirts – GREAT IDEA! I think this will change how I shop for clothes. If I like a shirt basically, and the only problem is something like irritating ¾ sleeves – buy it and get it fixed!
9 – My relationship with my Mom has changed a lot over the years, lots to talk about there. Now I’m actually getting along with her the best I ever have.
10 – Blogging, writing, takes a lot of time. After a week it’s clear I have more time, but I miss the writing.
11 – While I get dressed – Jim can feed the cats, make coffee, take a shower and get dressed. If I take a shower before getting dressed, he can also eat breakfast, read the paper and give cats treats. I hate being anywhere before 10:30, because it takes me 2 hours to do my morning routine. I can’t imagine trying to be at work by 9.
12 – Comic-Con – I was too late to get tickets, and I really wanted to go. I found someone who would go with me, to push me about because I know the facility is too big, but I was late getting tickets. Then I found out that whoever is pushing me can get in free! I’m going to go next year.
13 – Allergies! Not disability related, but so annoying! We had a few days of hot weather, and the cats were shedding. I think that’s what messed me up.
14 – Terrible seats in a movie theater, so annoying to be in the back row on the side. I can live with it, but I hate my friends having to give up better seats.
15 – One of my son Stephen’s friends is biking cross – country, like Stephen did 3 years ago. This time I find it more fun to read the blog about it. What an adventure! And when it’s not my kid, I worry less. This is something I will never be able to do, unless it’s by car.
16 – A friend and I are having dinner together in August, my turn to pick a restaurant. We both use wheelchairs. Once again I’m picking someplace partly because of parking. I hate picking some one place over another because of parking! With restaurants there are so many places to choose from it isn’t that big a deal, but I might end up picking a therapist based on parking too. That is more than annoying.
17 – More sleep trouble – cats.
18 – I am a super organized person, always have been, even pre injury. Now though, it does make me feel like I’m more useful that I can help a friend of mine who is moving with my organizational skills, even though I can’t pack and carry boxes for her.
19 – a biggie – wheelchair update. I decided to switch the tires for my 2 sets of wheels. I like the orange spoke wheels with the smooth push rims best – so thought I’d put the pneumatic tires on them, and move the solid tires to the yellow spoke wheels. Things did not go smoothly, and the repair guy punctured one inner tube – so I’m on the solids till new inner tubes are ordered.
20 – running low on gas, had to pump my own (with help from another customer because the push pad was so high up)
21 – I have a 2004 Toyota Avalon, caught in the latest recall for possible breaking in the steering column. I called immediately for an appointment, to be called back and told they didn’t have the parts yet! So, for now, I’m driving around a “risky” vehicle. Not super worried.
22 – I am listening to a book on tape about a high school shooting – why do I end up picking this kind of book? This time I would say I didn’t realize it was about a shooting, I picked the book up because it was the only book on tape by that author, and honestly it’s a good story! But did I read a summary at all before checking the library book out? There must be some reason I gravitate to stories like this, or do I?
23 – really busted tires. I’ve been sitting on the solids for 4 days, and they have a squeak every time I go over a certain spot on the tire. So, I did some research. The tech broke a cable inside the solid tires. They are busted, have to be replaced. I’m not in danger riding on them, but effectively my attempt to swap pneumatic tires and solids has caused me to have busted both sets. Ordered another set of solids, a tool to put them on, new inner tubes and new rim liners to keep spokes from poking the tubes. $103. Meanwhile until supplies come in, I’m sitting on squeaky tires on the yellow rim wheels I don’t like. Sigh.
24 – Somehow I messed up my 3rd toe on my left foot. I have a big scab at the tip of the toe, half under my nail. Where did I bump it? What did I go?
Last but not least, and this does deserve a full paragraph at least, is the topic of therapy. Today I met with the therapist I saw for about 10 years, between 1980 and 1990 approximately. As I was thinking about the idea of therapy, it occurred to me that seeing Melody would be a good first step. My insurance plan is decent. It covers all but $20 a session, with no maximum number of sessions a year. I thought I might see her again, find out what her rates are, and ask her to review the list of therapists who are covered in-network for my insurance. I wasn’t even sure she was doing the kind of therapy I’d be interested in. The last I knew (20 years ago) she was switching to more psychoanalysis. When I found her listed in the yellow pages, I was at the same time both pleased she was still in practice and at the same location, and somehow sad that her life hadn’t taken her on some new journey. Perhaps when you are happy with what you do, then there’s no need to move, huh? For my own sake, I’m glad she is still here – both alive in this world, and in San Diego, and in practice. She said I looked just the same, which I think was just being nice. She looks good, a bit thinner, but healthy, just older. She sounds exactly the same. It felt a bit like going back to see “Mom”, a bit like seeing an old friend to catch up on what was new, and a bit like therapy all in 45 minutes.
But, I still will have to decide whether to see her, or pick someone new. Melody knows me, remembers a lot about me, and there’s some value in that history, though it’s hard to put a dollar value on that. She doesn’t take insurance though, so tomorrow I’ll find out what my insurance pays for out-of-network doctors. Or maybe I’d be better off finding someone new, who doesn’t know me, sort of a clean slate thing, especially if I find someone with more experience with people with disabilities. Does this matter? Tomorrow I do my research, and then I’ll have to decide. Jim’s ok with all of this, though my sense is that it worries him a little. And I admit I hate the idea of a year of therapy costing as much as a good vacation would for both of us.
Right now, my reason for therapy also feels like fluff, an extra – not because of some psychological turmoil, but rather just because I want to understand something. I want to know where this writing is taking me, what it is that is driving me to write, and who I am writing for. And I want a safe place to talk about the emotions that some of my topics bring up. The therapy, the writing, are luxuries I have because I live a rather easy life. I’m not worried about where my next meal is coming from, or how I’m going to pay the rent. I’m not doing this for some eventual money. If I didn’t write I doubt the world would notice or care. And so I feel more guilty about using money selfishly just on myself, when both Jim and I could enjoy it. All the same, something is feeling right about my desire to write about my disability now.
And that’s where I am today.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, August 2, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
A bit of Filler?
I don’t really know what to say. I feel like I need to write something, because I know a few people check on my blog on a regular basis. Lately I have simply been so busy, that I can’t seem to carve out the time to write, or when I have a little quiet time I want to just kick back, relax and read. I’ve been reading some good books and blogs lately, perhaps I’ll write about that one day. And my social life has been busier than usual as well. It’s all good, and I’m fine – well mostly fine. Did have that flu a week ago. But generally speaking I’m doing ok.
I suppose I’m taking a break from writing without intending to. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks I’ll get my frame of mind back for writing, and I’ll open up a few hours a day for writing too. I want to! I even think that my not writing makes me grumpy.
So, thank you to anyone who likes my writing and for checking on me. Keep checking back, because I’ll be back – just not sure when exactly at the moment. Tomorrow is Jim’s and my 6th Anniversary, and we’re headed out of town for a night alone (no cats). Sunday is the World Cup. Next week is a busy one. Jim is “out of town” in San Diego meaning at a conference long hours, but coming home to go to bed. This is actually harder on both of us. Instead of just crashing in a hotel room just 5 minutes away from his meetings, he has a commute. And though my schedule is a bit more my own as if he is away, I’ll still be up when he gets up and will find it hard to work late into the night if I want. At least I don’t have to cook dinner! Oh, except for Wednesday when he invited a business friend over for dinner. So, another busy week in other words. Again, it’s all good.
A last note about my new wheelchair – I got the shorter armrests today, so my chair is totally set up as I like it, and my body is adjusting. My fingers aren’t pink and shiny anymore. My transfers are getting smoother, and my new straighter posture isn’t giving me a neck-ache. The second set of wheels is ordered but may take a while to arrive. So, I’m inclined to call it a success and am ready to move on – to buying a new cushion.
I suppose I’m taking a break from writing without intending to. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks I’ll get my frame of mind back for writing, and I’ll open up a few hours a day for writing too. I want to! I even think that my not writing makes me grumpy.
So, thank you to anyone who likes my writing and for checking on me. Keep checking back, because I’ll be back – just not sure when exactly at the moment. Tomorrow is Jim’s and my 6th Anniversary, and we’re headed out of town for a night alone (no cats). Sunday is the World Cup. Next week is a busy one. Jim is “out of town” in San Diego meaning at a conference long hours, but coming home to go to bed. This is actually harder on both of us. Instead of just crashing in a hotel room just 5 minutes away from his meetings, he has a commute. And though my schedule is a bit more my own as if he is away, I’ll still be up when he gets up and will find it hard to work late into the night if I want. At least I don’t have to cook dinner! Oh, except for Wednesday when he invited a business friend over for dinner. So, another busy week in other words. Again, it’s all good.
A last note about my new wheelchair – I got the shorter armrests today, so my chair is totally set up as I like it, and my body is adjusting. My fingers aren’t pink and shiny anymore. My transfers are getting smoother, and my new straighter posture isn’t giving me a neck-ache. The second set of wheels is ordered but may take a while to arrive. So, I’m inclined to call it a success and am ready to move on – to buying a new cushion.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wheelchair and grandparents
I have no idea what’s happening with my wheelchair brake locks at this point. No one bothers to fill me in, and if I don’t call the medical supply shop then I don’t know. I didn’t call in today. Even if I call things are not always clear.
I went to bed on Wednesday feeling pretty good about the situation. OK, Mobility hadn’t contacted the Locks guy, but since he responded to my email I thought everything was taken care of.
When I checked my email on Thursday morning, I found out that the parts that were ordered were for a different model than the one I was getting and wouldn’t fit. The brakes man was smart enough to NOT just send it along, but couldn’t change the parts he was sending without a changed order from the supply place. I called Mobility right away, and supposedly it was going to be straightened out. But they never called me back, and didn’t call today either.
I’ll call tomorrow to find out:
1 – did my chair arrive, or is it expected today
2 – can I come see it today or Monday
3 – did the whole brakes thing get squared away, and the right part ordered
4 – when they expect those to arrive, if they haven’t already
5 – when can I come in to get it assembled!
I fully expect something to be wrong with the chair. I just hope it’s something that can be easily replaced or fixed. If the frame is the wrong size it will mean sending it back to the factory.
The problem is that the setup of the medical shop is just asking for trouble. It’s like the game of “telephone” that we used to play as kids. You whisper in one person’s ear, who whispers to another, and down the line. By the time it goes around 10 kids it sounds totally different. I fill out a form and give it to the customer service rep in the shop, who hands it over to purchasing. They translate it into one set of codes for insurance (only listing the parts that have a cost to them) and into another set of codes to transmit to the manufacturer. There are at least 2 hands (eyes, brains) who process what I say before the manufacturing people get the request. I wish I could just communicate with the Tilite people directly – but insurance doesn’t like that.
The source of the problem with the locks seems to be that they don’t really have an order form, and that their price list of 2008 doesn’t have the newest model (my model) of chair on it. So, the medical shop just plugged in what they thought was the most similar.
And the problem is compounded by the fact that the Locks shop is so tiny, with only one man to contact, and he travels a lot.
This is terribly boring. I’m just writing down what’s going on. To summarize- more waiting.
I spent the day at home today, not unusual. And on those days, not much happens that I would say are disability connected. Sure there is the extra time to get dressed, perhaps to do other tasks at home. But overall my days at home don’t leave me feeling like my disability shapes my activities or slows me down.
Only one thing reminded me of my disability today, and even that one was as much an aging issue as a disability one. Sometimes these are hard to separate.
I remember as a child that my grandfather (father’s father) used to eat corn on the cob, but only after he scraped every kernel with this sharp fork like instrument. He proceeded to eat the corn more or less sucking out the insides of each kernel and leaving the skins behind attached to the husk. I thought it was disgusting, not to mention a ridiculous way to eat corn! But today, after having corn on the cob for dinner yesterday, I have wondered if I’m headed down the same path as my grandfather, and I believe my father as well.
I’ve inherited other things from Poppop as well – low blood pressure, bad hearing. He lived to age 86, pretty respectable I say, but in the end he had a host of digestive problems. My understanding from the last time I talked to my father, was that he has digestive problems now too. Dad’s hearing is really poor also. He needed a hearing aid 10 years ago at least, but never got one. Poppop did get a hearing aid, but hated it.
This year I’ll get my hearing tested again, which I’ve done every 2 years since 2002, when I first started noticing difficulty hearing in conference rooms. My hearing has stayed about the same, just borderline where a hearing aid might help. If it gets any worse, I’ll give them a try. I don’t know my father’s reasons for not giving them a try – vanity or money or both. Technology has gotten so much better than the days my grandfather tried them (early 1980s) and I have no vanity in this regard.
My blood pressure has always been low. Actually as I’ve gotten older it’s gone up a bit, and I’m more comfortable. Still, if I have lunch out, have to push myself to the car, and get in a hot car, 9 times out of 10 I’ll be too lightheaded to drive for 15 minutes till the car cools down and I get acclimated. One day recently I was feeling so draggy, so got out the cuff at home – 80/55. Luckily it was evening, so I went to bed, and felt better the next morning.
Today though, it’s the corn that’s been disturbing me, making me uncomfortable. I don’t know if my grandfather or even my father had irritable bowel syndrome or diverticulosis like I do, but I suspect Poppop did. My dad just complains of indigestion, and has a history of stomach ulcers. I believe we’ve all had hemorrhoids too.
I think the disability difference is not the cause of the discomfort, but the way it shows in symptoms, and perhaps I am lucky in this regard. Instead of pain, I’ve been having episodes of mild autonomic dysreflexia on and off all day. I can feel my blood pressure rise, with a mild sweatiness around midchest and a mild headache. It’s uncomfortable, but not painful, and so not dangerous. It’s just a reminder that corn on the cob should follow nuts in the list of ‘foods to eat in small quantities”. I can handle this. My body is getting older and can’t handle all the same foods. The symptoms are different, but all the same, my family heritage is asserting itself.
I was very fond of Poppop and Grandmom, and have wonderful memories of them both. Grandmom was a birder, and knew all the birds that came to her backyard. She would sit at her kitchen window playing cards (solitaire mostly) and watching the birds out back. She never worked at a job, and never learned to drive, but she was always busy and knew everyone in the neighborhood. In summer they would hang their laundry out in the backyards. In winter it hung in the basement, till one day they finally got a dryer. Poppop went to a trade school and was a factory foreman. In his heart he was a tinkerer, and would have made a fine engineer. But I think he was happy with his life. He was brought up Mennonite, the 8th and youngest child in the family, and his father died when he was young. His mother owned and ran a hotel and all the kids had duties related to the hotel’s running. Compared to the rest of his family, he was more educated (due to a scholarship) and did well. In the summer he had the most amazing vegetable garden – lettuces, carrots, beets, beans, corn, squash, tomatoes. The things you remember – he was immune to poison ivy, and no one could beat him at darts or quoits.
Their house was in the suburbs of Philadelphia, about a 45 minute drive away, so we didn’t see them very frequently, but on most holidays and birthdays. In summer we might spend a week there. I loved spending time with them. Their house was small and cramped, with one bedroom and no way to escape hearing Poppop’s snoring, but overall it was calmer and happier than my own home. I mention them not just because of the corn today, but because I’m working up to talking about parenting, and in some ways my grandparents were role models for me, especially my grandmother. My mother might not like to hear this, but when I think about how I was as a parent, it’s more like Grandmom than Mom. These days, my personality seems more similar to my mother’s, and even our activities and interests now are more alike. But from the parenting years, I took more from Grandmom.
I went to bed on Wednesday feeling pretty good about the situation. OK, Mobility hadn’t contacted the Locks guy, but since he responded to my email I thought everything was taken care of.
When I checked my email on Thursday morning, I found out that the parts that were ordered were for a different model than the one I was getting and wouldn’t fit. The brakes man was smart enough to NOT just send it along, but couldn’t change the parts he was sending without a changed order from the supply place. I called Mobility right away, and supposedly it was going to be straightened out. But they never called me back, and didn’t call today either.
I’ll call tomorrow to find out:
1 – did my chair arrive, or is it expected today
2 – can I come see it today or Monday
3 – did the whole brakes thing get squared away, and the right part ordered
4 – when they expect those to arrive, if they haven’t already
5 – when can I come in to get it assembled!
I fully expect something to be wrong with the chair. I just hope it’s something that can be easily replaced or fixed. If the frame is the wrong size it will mean sending it back to the factory.
The problem is that the setup of the medical shop is just asking for trouble. It’s like the game of “telephone” that we used to play as kids. You whisper in one person’s ear, who whispers to another, and down the line. By the time it goes around 10 kids it sounds totally different. I fill out a form and give it to the customer service rep in the shop, who hands it over to purchasing. They translate it into one set of codes for insurance (only listing the parts that have a cost to them) and into another set of codes to transmit to the manufacturer. There are at least 2 hands (eyes, brains) who process what I say before the manufacturing people get the request. I wish I could just communicate with the Tilite people directly – but insurance doesn’t like that.
The source of the problem with the locks seems to be that they don’t really have an order form, and that their price list of 2008 doesn’t have the newest model (my model) of chair on it. So, the medical shop just plugged in what they thought was the most similar.
And the problem is compounded by the fact that the Locks shop is so tiny, with only one man to contact, and he travels a lot.
This is terribly boring. I’m just writing down what’s going on. To summarize- more waiting.
I spent the day at home today, not unusual. And on those days, not much happens that I would say are disability connected. Sure there is the extra time to get dressed, perhaps to do other tasks at home. But overall my days at home don’t leave me feeling like my disability shapes my activities or slows me down.
Only one thing reminded me of my disability today, and even that one was as much an aging issue as a disability one. Sometimes these are hard to separate.
I remember as a child that my grandfather (father’s father) used to eat corn on the cob, but only after he scraped every kernel with this sharp fork like instrument. He proceeded to eat the corn more or less sucking out the insides of each kernel and leaving the skins behind attached to the husk. I thought it was disgusting, not to mention a ridiculous way to eat corn! But today, after having corn on the cob for dinner yesterday, I have wondered if I’m headed down the same path as my grandfather, and I believe my father as well.
I’ve inherited other things from Poppop as well – low blood pressure, bad hearing. He lived to age 86, pretty respectable I say, but in the end he had a host of digestive problems. My understanding from the last time I talked to my father, was that he has digestive problems now too. Dad’s hearing is really poor also. He needed a hearing aid 10 years ago at least, but never got one. Poppop did get a hearing aid, but hated it.
This year I’ll get my hearing tested again, which I’ve done every 2 years since 2002, when I first started noticing difficulty hearing in conference rooms. My hearing has stayed about the same, just borderline where a hearing aid might help. If it gets any worse, I’ll give them a try. I don’t know my father’s reasons for not giving them a try – vanity or money or both. Technology has gotten so much better than the days my grandfather tried them (early 1980s) and I have no vanity in this regard.
My blood pressure has always been low. Actually as I’ve gotten older it’s gone up a bit, and I’m more comfortable. Still, if I have lunch out, have to push myself to the car, and get in a hot car, 9 times out of 10 I’ll be too lightheaded to drive for 15 minutes till the car cools down and I get acclimated. One day recently I was feeling so draggy, so got out the cuff at home – 80/55. Luckily it was evening, so I went to bed, and felt better the next morning.
Today though, it’s the corn that’s been disturbing me, making me uncomfortable. I don’t know if my grandfather or even my father had irritable bowel syndrome or diverticulosis like I do, but I suspect Poppop did. My dad just complains of indigestion, and has a history of stomach ulcers. I believe we’ve all had hemorrhoids too.
I think the disability difference is not the cause of the discomfort, but the way it shows in symptoms, and perhaps I am lucky in this regard. Instead of pain, I’ve been having episodes of mild autonomic dysreflexia on and off all day. I can feel my blood pressure rise, with a mild sweatiness around midchest and a mild headache. It’s uncomfortable, but not painful, and so not dangerous. It’s just a reminder that corn on the cob should follow nuts in the list of ‘foods to eat in small quantities”. I can handle this. My body is getting older and can’t handle all the same foods. The symptoms are different, but all the same, my family heritage is asserting itself.
I was very fond of Poppop and Grandmom, and have wonderful memories of them both. Grandmom was a birder, and knew all the birds that came to her backyard. She would sit at her kitchen window playing cards (solitaire mostly) and watching the birds out back. She never worked at a job, and never learned to drive, but she was always busy and knew everyone in the neighborhood. In summer they would hang their laundry out in the backyards. In winter it hung in the basement, till one day they finally got a dryer. Poppop went to a trade school and was a factory foreman. In his heart he was a tinkerer, and would have made a fine engineer. But I think he was happy with his life. He was brought up Mennonite, the 8th and youngest child in the family, and his father died when he was young. His mother owned and ran a hotel and all the kids had duties related to the hotel’s running. Compared to the rest of his family, he was more educated (due to a scholarship) and did well. In the summer he had the most amazing vegetable garden – lettuces, carrots, beets, beans, corn, squash, tomatoes. The things you remember – he was immune to poison ivy, and no one could beat him at darts or quoits.
Their house was in the suburbs of Philadelphia, about a 45 minute drive away, so we didn’t see them very frequently, but on most holidays and birthdays. In summer we might spend a week there. I loved spending time with them. Their house was small and cramped, with one bedroom and no way to escape hearing Poppop’s snoring, but overall it was calmer and happier than my own home. I mention them not just because of the corn today, but because I’m working up to talking about parenting, and in some ways my grandparents were role models for me, especially my grandmother. My mother might not like to hear this, but when I think about how I was as a parent, it’s more like Grandmom than Mom. These days, my personality seems more similar to my mother’s, and even our activities and interests now are more alike. But from the parenting years, I took more from Grandmom.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
what's going on
The ETA for my wheelchair was supposed to be yesterday. However it is apparently being shipped from Washington State today, so really should arrive around the end of this week. Perhaps ETA was really ETC – estimated time of completion? This is still pretty good I think. The frame has to be custom built then painted, not all the parts are premade. Putting a chair together is more than just assembly. I think a 3 week order to arrival time is pretty decent.
The brakes (wheel locks) were still an unknown till an hour ago. The company that makes them is local, but is pretty much a one man shop. Maybe he has some assistants that help him build the locks, but he answers the phone, does the orders etc. all by himself. If he’s out of town, jobs lag behind. I don’t think the order for the brakes was really put in 3 weeks ago when the chair was ordered. So, now Mobility Solutions has been trying to reach him by phone (they say), and haven’t gotten a call back. I thought he might be traveling somewhere, which meant that he might not be checking for phone messages, but he might answer email. Last time when I had a question for him, I emailed him and he replied right away that he was out of town (at an East Coast Abilities Expo) and he’d call as soon as he got back – and he did. He was very personable and helpful. So, around 5 PM after Mobility had had the full day to wait for a call back, I sent an email directly. And an hour ago he replied – he had the order, would ship it tomorrow to arrive Thurs or Friday and no one from Mobility had tried to contact him by email or phone. So, what gives here?
Now it seems everything will be at Mobility by the end of the week, maybe I’ll get in there early next week for adjustments and have it home a week from now!
+_+_+_+_
My wrist has bounced back much faster this time. Either it really is somewhat healed, or I’m getting better at knowing how to rest it.
+_+_+_+_
San Diego Opera called today to say our Renewal Deadline has been extended. I said we weren’t going to renew and they wanted to know why. So I told them their wheelchair seating at the Civic Center sucks, in so many words. I found out something interesting. Apparently, the wheelchair seating at the back of the Dress Circle and the Mezzanine, used to be the Standing Room area. When they had to comply with the ADA, that was the best they could come up with – giving wheelchairs the area that was only good enough for Standing room. Groan. I asked the woman who called if she would be happy if those were the only seats she could have, and she conceded “No”. I considered going to Avenue Q this summer. I saw it a couple of years ago at the Spreckels (I think it was the Spreckels, some theater downtown) and I loved it. But this time it’s at the Civic Theater, where the opera is. The last row of the Dress Circle for Ave Q, the Standing Room area that was, tickets are $90 each. Jim can’t go, and I just can’t see dragging any of my friends to sit in that back row and watch a show with binoculars. My son David got tickets, granted with a Qualcomm discount, in the 10th row for about $90. I really am thinking of filing an ADA complaint, though technically I should write to the city about the Civic Theater first.
+_+_+_+_
To anyone who gets electricity from SDG&E and has a disability or uses some medical device that needs electricity – do you know about the Medical Baseline Adjustment you can get? To see if this applies to you, check out: http://www.sdge.com/documents/customer/baselineapplication.pdf
I wonder how many thousands of dollars I’ve given SDG&E that I didn’t have to. Apparently rehab centers here tell people they can get this discount. Perhaps every person I know with a disability in San Diego has gotten this and assumed I did too, but I had never heard of it till recently, and never thought to ask. I don’t know when the discount started (with the ADA?), but I’ve lived in San Diego from 1979 – 1995 and 2004 till present. Maybe this isn’t fair to everyone else without a disability, but I am going to take advantage of this now. I won’t try to recoup lost money, probably couldn’t anyway.
I wonder if they had this discount in Maryland and Ohio too? Better for me not to know.
+_+_+_+_
It is clear to me now, that my trying to write to my father was getting me down. My siblings no doubt will wonder why I let him bug me. They seem better able than I to dismiss him out of their lives. I can’t help it though. There was once a time when I thought he was so wonderful, and I was proud of him. Now, it’s just so hard to find anything in him worth knowing. He’s still alive, I assume, though I don’t know for sure. I trust that his wife would let one of us know if he died, but that trust may be misplaced. I don’t think she’s ever contacted any of us directly about anything before. Well, I think she may have called once when she had a solo business trip to San Diego, was that 2005? And they’ve been married since the early 1980s I think. I don’t know what year it was, wasn’t invited to the wedding. I was living in San Diego by then. One direct call in almost 30 years? Not that Dad calls me much, his record is about once every other year lately. If we talk, it’s been because I call him.
I had set a rule to not talk about people who were living in this blog, at least not in negative ways. At the moment I’d say my father is about as good as dead, but I’ll believe he’s alive till informed otherwise. And perhaps one day someone will read this who knows him, or perhaps he’ll even read it himself. (That’s probably some daughterly hope that won’t die popping up, let it go Donna, let it go.) So, I’m going to stop here.
But I have to say one more thing about both my parents really, or about myself in relationship to them.
There are a lot of things I want to talk about related to parenting with a disability. Parenting from a wheelchair brings a lot of challenges, you need to be creative in how you solve things, and make adjustments. I frequently talk in my blog about how things are different for me because of my disability, or of the nuisances that comes with having this equipment. I could, and I might, talk about parenting that way. I believe though that fundamentally parenting with a disability is much like parenting for everyone. It’s a difficult job that most of us are not really trained for. Perhaps those who have a lot of younger siblings that they took care of as children are better prepared. Certainly people who have worked in daycare or studied early childhood development have an edge, though no amount of education prepares you for a crying baby at 3 AM. The job of mom is much the same for all of us – how to keep a baby warm, dry and fed; how to entertain a toddler but keep him out of danger; how to educate a child and help their self-esteem…. All of us will find an age that we feel most comfortable with. Some women love babies, some love teens. I liked the age from 4 – 8, but 8 – 12 was very good too. Old enough to reason, but young enough to still be so fond of their parents. I’m not saying anything new.
Through all of this, we bring our own baggage, what we got from our own parents. And at times it is hard to know whether having a rough time with a particular issue is because of the difficulties solving a problem due to a disability, or because of some issue carried over from our own childhood, or as a third option – from a normal development of our children. An example – when a toddler first really learn to run they often are anxious about separation. I remember David especially having separation anxiety. It was ok for him to leave me, but not for me to leave him. For me, this was compounded on one level by my fear that he would run away from me somewhere that I couldn’t catch him, and on another level by my rather deeper fears of abandonment and feelings of neglect from my early childhood. I didn’t fear that David would abandon me, or that I would neglect him. I feared that he would see me as doing this, no matter what I did. I had vowed not to repeat the mistakes (my interpretation) of my parents, but could I control how he would see my actions?
As I struggle with Father’s Day, and my relationship to my father, it reminds me that the parenting topic is indeed a complicated one. My disability added an extra layer of self-doubt, and it merits attention, another day.
The brakes (wheel locks) were still an unknown till an hour ago. The company that makes them is local, but is pretty much a one man shop. Maybe he has some assistants that help him build the locks, but he answers the phone, does the orders etc. all by himself. If he’s out of town, jobs lag behind. I don’t think the order for the brakes was really put in 3 weeks ago when the chair was ordered. So, now Mobility Solutions has been trying to reach him by phone (they say), and haven’t gotten a call back. I thought he might be traveling somewhere, which meant that he might not be checking for phone messages, but he might answer email. Last time when I had a question for him, I emailed him and he replied right away that he was out of town (at an East Coast Abilities Expo) and he’d call as soon as he got back – and he did. He was very personable and helpful. So, around 5 PM after Mobility had had the full day to wait for a call back, I sent an email directly. And an hour ago he replied – he had the order, would ship it tomorrow to arrive Thurs or Friday and no one from Mobility had tried to contact him by email or phone. So, what gives here?
Now it seems everything will be at Mobility by the end of the week, maybe I’ll get in there early next week for adjustments and have it home a week from now!
+_+_+_+_
My wrist has bounced back much faster this time. Either it really is somewhat healed, or I’m getting better at knowing how to rest it.
+_+_+_+_
San Diego Opera called today to say our Renewal Deadline has been extended. I said we weren’t going to renew and they wanted to know why. So I told them their wheelchair seating at the Civic Center sucks, in so many words. I found out something interesting. Apparently, the wheelchair seating at the back of the Dress Circle and the Mezzanine, used to be the Standing Room area. When they had to comply with the ADA, that was the best they could come up with – giving wheelchairs the area that was only good enough for Standing room. Groan. I asked the woman who called if she would be happy if those were the only seats she could have, and she conceded “No”. I considered going to Avenue Q this summer. I saw it a couple of years ago at the Spreckels (I think it was the Spreckels, some theater downtown) and I loved it. But this time it’s at the Civic Theater, where the opera is. The last row of the Dress Circle for Ave Q, the Standing Room area that was, tickets are $90 each. Jim can’t go, and I just can’t see dragging any of my friends to sit in that back row and watch a show with binoculars. My son David got tickets, granted with a Qualcomm discount, in the 10th row for about $90. I really am thinking of filing an ADA complaint, though technically I should write to the city about the Civic Theater first.
+_+_+_+_
To anyone who gets electricity from SDG&E and has a disability or uses some medical device that needs electricity – do you know about the Medical Baseline Adjustment you can get? To see if this applies to you, check out: http://www.sdge.com/documents/customer/baselineapplication.pdf
I wonder how many thousands of dollars I’ve given SDG&E that I didn’t have to. Apparently rehab centers here tell people they can get this discount. Perhaps every person I know with a disability in San Diego has gotten this and assumed I did too, but I had never heard of it till recently, and never thought to ask. I don’t know when the discount started (with the ADA?), but I’ve lived in San Diego from 1979 – 1995 and 2004 till present. Maybe this isn’t fair to everyone else without a disability, but I am going to take advantage of this now. I won’t try to recoup lost money, probably couldn’t anyway.
I wonder if they had this discount in Maryland and Ohio too? Better for me not to know.
+_+_+_+_
It is clear to me now, that my trying to write to my father was getting me down. My siblings no doubt will wonder why I let him bug me. They seem better able than I to dismiss him out of their lives. I can’t help it though. There was once a time when I thought he was so wonderful, and I was proud of him. Now, it’s just so hard to find anything in him worth knowing. He’s still alive, I assume, though I don’t know for sure. I trust that his wife would let one of us know if he died, but that trust may be misplaced. I don’t think she’s ever contacted any of us directly about anything before. Well, I think she may have called once when she had a solo business trip to San Diego, was that 2005? And they’ve been married since the early 1980s I think. I don’t know what year it was, wasn’t invited to the wedding. I was living in San Diego by then. One direct call in almost 30 years? Not that Dad calls me much, his record is about once every other year lately. If we talk, it’s been because I call him.
I had set a rule to not talk about people who were living in this blog, at least not in negative ways. At the moment I’d say my father is about as good as dead, but I’ll believe he’s alive till informed otherwise. And perhaps one day someone will read this who knows him, or perhaps he’ll even read it himself. (That’s probably some daughterly hope that won’t die popping up, let it go Donna, let it go.) So, I’m going to stop here.
But I have to say one more thing about both my parents really, or about myself in relationship to them.
There are a lot of things I want to talk about related to parenting with a disability. Parenting from a wheelchair brings a lot of challenges, you need to be creative in how you solve things, and make adjustments. I frequently talk in my blog about how things are different for me because of my disability, or of the nuisances that comes with having this equipment. I could, and I might, talk about parenting that way. I believe though that fundamentally parenting with a disability is much like parenting for everyone. It’s a difficult job that most of us are not really trained for. Perhaps those who have a lot of younger siblings that they took care of as children are better prepared. Certainly people who have worked in daycare or studied early childhood development have an edge, though no amount of education prepares you for a crying baby at 3 AM. The job of mom is much the same for all of us – how to keep a baby warm, dry and fed; how to entertain a toddler but keep him out of danger; how to educate a child and help their self-esteem…. All of us will find an age that we feel most comfortable with. Some women love babies, some love teens. I liked the age from 4 – 8, but 8 – 12 was very good too. Old enough to reason, but young enough to still be so fond of their parents. I’m not saying anything new.
Through all of this, we bring our own baggage, what we got from our own parents. And at times it is hard to know whether having a rough time with a particular issue is because of the difficulties solving a problem due to a disability, or because of some issue carried over from our own childhood, or as a third option – from a normal development of our children. An example – when a toddler first really learn to run they often are anxious about separation. I remember David especially having separation anxiety. It was ok for him to leave me, but not for me to leave him. For me, this was compounded on one level by my fear that he would run away from me somewhere that I couldn’t catch him, and on another level by my rather deeper fears of abandonment and feelings of neglect from my early childhood. I didn’t fear that David would abandon me, or that I would neglect him. I feared that he would see me as doing this, no matter what I did. I had vowed not to repeat the mistakes (my interpretation) of my parents, but could I control how he would see my actions?
As I struggle with Father’s Day, and my relationship to my father, it reminds me that the parenting topic is indeed a complicated one. My disability added an extra layer of self-doubt, and it merits attention, another day.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Neglecting something, but what?
I have been neglecting my blog. I know it, and I’m feeling bad about it. I know I have a few followers, and I hope that you aren’t disappointed when you look for a new post for a week and don’t see one. But mostly I feel like I’m neglecting myself.
Right after I write a difficult post, it takes me a few days to be ready to write again. And when I have the makings of a complicated or emotionally loaded topic in my mind, it may take a few days to get it together. Both of these happened last week. The bladder stories was a hard one to write – not for the writing, but for the thinking and emotions with it. Likewise I have been thinking a lot about parenting, but somehow I haven’t been able to write that post. And so nothing else has come out either.
I am also way overdue on 3 long letters I want to write, so had told myself to do those first, because I keep putting them lowest on my priority list. I have to move them up the list, which means other writing goes down lower. One of them is a letter to my father, because of Father’s day coming up. Talk about an emotionally laden exercise. I have just today realized that even if I mailed that letter today, he wouldn’t get it by Father’s day – I don’t know where he is. I assume the letter would be forwarded from his last address, but they only do that for 6 months, right? Last address I had was from last October. It’s possible that the letter would come back.
Plus, I have been socially rather busy, and today I have a head cold and haven’t done a thing that involves brain cells – till this minute. I hope I feel better tomorrow. It’s just a cold, nothing serious.
So, I’ve had a perfect storm of conflicts, resulting in a massive case of inertia. Tough disability topic cooking (parenting), coinciding with other writing projects (letters), including a really emotionally laden on (to my father) which takes me back to parenting! No wonder I’m sick! Well, Jim is sick too, so it’s not psychosomatic. Oh well.
Today was the day my new wheelchair was supposed to arrive. No one called, so I have no idea if it did or not. They never called me back on Friday to say if the brakes were there or on the way. My suspicion is that the brakes never got ordered, but they don’t want to tell me that. I just didn’t feel like dealing with it today, but tomorrow I plan to call and ask some questions. Even if the brakes aren’t there, I’d like to go look at it, make sure everything is right.
Right after I write a difficult post, it takes me a few days to be ready to write again. And when I have the makings of a complicated or emotionally loaded topic in my mind, it may take a few days to get it together. Both of these happened last week. The bladder stories was a hard one to write – not for the writing, but for the thinking and emotions with it. Likewise I have been thinking a lot about parenting, but somehow I haven’t been able to write that post. And so nothing else has come out either.
I am also way overdue on 3 long letters I want to write, so had told myself to do those first, because I keep putting them lowest on my priority list. I have to move them up the list, which means other writing goes down lower. One of them is a letter to my father, because of Father’s day coming up. Talk about an emotionally laden exercise. I have just today realized that even if I mailed that letter today, he wouldn’t get it by Father’s day – I don’t know where he is. I assume the letter would be forwarded from his last address, but they only do that for 6 months, right? Last address I had was from last October. It’s possible that the letter would come back.
Plus, I have been socially rather busy, and today I have a head cold and haven’t done a thing that involves brain cells – till this minute. I hope I feel better tomorrow. It’s just a cold, nothing serious.
So, I’ve had a perfect storm of conflicts, resulting in a massive case of inertia. Tough disability topic cooking (parenting), coinciding with other writing projects (letters), including a really emotionally laden on (to my father) which takes me back to parenting! No wonder I’m sick! Well, Jim is sick too, so it’s not psychosomatic. Oh well.
Today was the day my new wheelchair was supposed to arrive. No one called, so I have no idea if it did or not. They never called me back on Friday to say if the brakes were there or on the way. My suspicion is that the brakes never got ordered, but they don’t want to tell me that. I just didn’t feel like dealing with it today, but tomorrow I plan to call and ask some questions. Even if the brakes aren’t there, I’d like to go look at it, make sure everything is right.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Bladder-Wrist-Cars
I wonder if it’s smart to put in my blog when I’m hurting, or not feeling well. A few people have asked me since the recent posting about my bladder, how I’m doing, and it’s nice to know people care! Actually it’s an odd feeling, because these are the kinds of times when I’m not usually likely to tell anyone, except maybe Jim, that I don’t feel right. I’m not used to people knowing about my little aches and pains. However, if I’m going to try to show in my blog what life is like with a disability, well, I need to write things down. This is what my life IS like.
Today I can say that I’m feeling well, as far as my bladder, stomach, and appetite is concerned anyway. Unfortunately, that irritation got replaced today by wrist trouble.
Seriously, I feel healthy again. My bladder washing worked – as it usually does. 3 or 4 times a year max I will have an incident like the one last week. I’ll change tubing and drink lots of fluids after wondering whether I have an infection. 1 of those times I won’t feel better and then I’ll take antibiotics. And for the past 4 years at least, I haven’t had to go past that and actually see the urologist for a bladder infection. My annual checkup, and new cipro prescription carries me for a full year. My situation is better than some, who get infections regularly. But on the other hand, I do have those 3 – 4 times a year that I don’t feel well and can’t figure out the cause right away. I’m so used to this pattern, that I forget how odd it might sound to other people.
Unfortunately I only had one day of feeling good. And yesterday was a great day – we went to the Padre game and saw them score a record 18 runs, and saw fireworks as well! OK, I don’t feel sick any more, I feel injured again. I won’t go into the whole long story today, I will reserve it for tomorrow when I have more time to write. And I need the night to think about this topic anyway. Suffice it to say, that I overdid it at my wheelchair dance class today, and my wrist is feeling like it did 2 months ago when I was sure I was headed to surgery. I’m quite irritated at the moment, and ready to cast blame everywhere (including myself I will add). Tomorrow I hope I’ll have a more level head about it all. I also hope that I’ll wake up feeling less pain.
*****************************
I do have one story that I wanted to add to the earlier post about cars.
I asked my 25 year old son, David, how many cars he’s driven in his lifetime. At first he was a bit exasperated with me, but then he started to count – dr ed, 2 as a teen, 2 of mine, Dad’s, Jim’s, Aunt Baba’s, Connie’s, Stephen’s, 2 he’s owned in SD, Amy’s, a couple of friends when he was the designated driver, then a few rentals – Seattle, OR, Wisconsin twice, and then he trailed off- and said 20 – 25 maybe, why, Mom?
I told him I had only driven 10 total in my life.
To which he said, “But Mom, it’s different for you!”
To which I replied, “Precisely, that’s my point, it’s different for me.”
Jim travels for work, probably about one trip a month, and most of those trips he rents a car. He’s also our driver if we get a car while on vacation. So, overall he drives about 12 cars a year, and over his lifetime it’s up in the 100s. I know I shouldn’t think about a comparison with Jim, he has been in many more cars than the average American.
That’s why I had compared myself to a 25 year old. David may be higher than the average person his age, he’s rented cars after all, which isn’t easy to do before you are 25 in most states. And he’s been the exclusive driver of 4 cars already, which is high too.
I was the exclusive driver of 6 of the cars I drove, which isn’t really crazy. It means changing cars about every 6 years average, which isn’t bad. It’s the ability to drive rentals and other people’s cars that makes the difference. And I’m sure for many this is a minor issue. But think about this the next time you get a loner car when your car is in the shop, or when you swap cars with your spouse one day, or your friend was supposed to be the driver but got drunk and so you need to get you both home. Think how easily you just slip into another car without thinking. And think what you learn about each of these cars even just by being a passenger. That’s the difference for me.
Tomorrow: wheelchair ballroom dancing
Today I can say that I’m feeling well, as far as my bladder, stomach, and appetite is concerned anyway. Unfortunately, that irritation got replaced today by wrist trouble.
Seriously, I feel healthy again. My bladder washing worked – as it usually does. 3 or 4 times a year max I will have an incident like the one last week. I’ll change tubing and drink lots of fluids after wondering whether I have an infection. 1 of those times I won’t feel better and then I’ll take antibiotics. And for the past 4 years at least, I haven’t had to go past that and actually see the urologist for a bladder infection. My annual checkup, and new cipro prescription carries me for a full year. My situation is better than some, who get infections regularly. But on the other hand, I do have those 3 – 4 times a year that I don’t feel well and can’t figure out the cause right away. I’m so used to this pattern, that I forget how odd it might sound to other people.
Unfortunately I only had one day of feeling good. And yesterday was a great day – we went to the Padre game and saw them score a record 18 runs, and saw fireworks as well! OK, I don’t feel sick any more, I feel injured again. I won’t go into the whole long story today, I will reserve it for tomorrow when I have more time to write. And I need the night to think about this topic anyway. Suffice it to say, that I overdid it at my wheelchair dance class today, and my wrist is feeling like it did 2 months ago when I was sure I was headed to surgery. I’m quite irritated at the moment, and ready to cast blame everywhere (including myself I will add). Tomorrow I hope I’ll have a more level head about it all. I also hope that I’ll wake up feeling less pain.
*****************************
I do have one story that I wanted to add to the earlier post about cars.
I asked my 25 year old son, David, how many cars he’s driven in his lifetime. At first he was a bit exasperated with me, but then he started to count – dr ed, 2 as a teen, 2 of mine, Dad’s, Jim’s, Aunt Baba’s, Connie’s, Stephen’s, 2 he’s owned in SD, Amy’s, a couple of friends when he was the designated driver, then a few rentals – Seattle, OR, Wisconsin twice, and then he trailed off- and said 20 – 25 maybe, why, Mom?
I told him I had only driven 10 total in my life.
To which he said, “But Mom, it’s different for you!”
To which I replied, “Precisely, that’s my point, it’s different for me.”
Jim travels for work, probably about one trip a month, and most of those trips he rents a car. He’s also our driver if we get a car while on vacation. So, overall he drives about 12 cars a year, and over his lifetime it’s up in the 100s. I know I shouldn’t think about a comparison with Jim, he has been in many more cars than the average American.
That’s why I had compared myself to a 25 year old. David may be higher than the average person his age, he’s rented cars after all, which isn’t easy to do before you are 25 in most states. And he’s been the exclusive driver of 4 cars already, which is high too.
I was the exclusive driver of 6 of the cars I drove, which isn’t really crazy. It means changing cars about every 6 years average, which isn’t bad. It’s the ability to drive rentals and other people’s cars that makes the difference. And I’m sure for many this is a minor issue. But think about this the next time you get a loner car when your car is in the shop, or when you swap cars with your spouse one day, or your friend was supposed to be the driver but got drunk and so you need to get you both home. Think how easily you just slip into another car without thinking. And think what you learn about each of these cars even just by being a passenger. That’s the difference for me.
Tomorrow: wheelchair ballroom dancing
Sunday, May 9, 2010
A Pleasant Weekend
It’s rare that we get a weekend as simple as this one. Many weekends feel like they are full of chores, and have some social activities to boot. But this one was less busy than usual, I allowed myself to put things off till next week, and no harm done. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s ok to procrastinate.
Friday my spinal cord injury support group met, which when you really boil it down, is really a group of friends getting together over lunch. Sure, we have some interests in common, but aren’t a lot of friends like that? I then spent my afternoon making crème brulee, and what I fondly call balsamic tar (reduced balsamic vinegar becomes like a syrup). These foods were for dinner guests on Saturday.
Saturday Jim and I went to Whole Foods in the morning, and I spent the afternoon cooking. The menu - first course: mandarin oranges and avocado on romaine with a homemade orangey dressing and grilled shrimp. Second course: filet mignon stuffed with gorgonzola and shallots, wrapped with prosciutto, drizzled with tar, and served with grilled summer veggies. Dessert was crème brulee with a chocolate hazelnut sauce. Wines with all courses of course, our guests brought 2 bottles and we had a dessert wine to pour. It was a fun evening – good food, good company.
I like to cook. I guess that is apparent. You could say I cheated with my marinades for the veggies and shrimp, for I will take a decent salad dressing and doctor it up. And the chocolate sauce was not my own. But I don’t feel shame in this, the food was awfully good!
Sunday David and Amy invited Jim and me out for Mother’s Day Brunch, which I enjoyed. That’s about the right amount of Mother’s Day fuss for me – a couple hours of time with family. And this afternoon I talked to my 3 mothers – my own mom, Jim’s mom, and my ex-husband’s mom. I read the New York Times and SD Union- Tribune totally (a rare happening, more usually I read the funnies and clip the coupons and set aside the serious news for later), and finished my book club book. We had salmon for dinner, which Jim cooked on the grill.
Aside from doing stretches and extra time in the bathroom, and the SCI meeting which barely counts in this category, I can’t say my weekend was shaped by my disability at all. I suppose whether I choose to count the SCI support group as disability related is as much related to my frame of mind as anything. If I have topics I feel a need to talk about, or my disability is feeling oppressive then I’d call it disability related. But last week it did just feel like a group of friends coming over for lunch. Which isn’t to say I didn’t get anything useful out of it. Someone suggested that I get my leather gloves relined with nylon when the silk tears, an interesting idea that I just might try one day.
I have a list of ideas for future blog posts, subjects I want to write about at some point. But for this last weekend it was nice NOT to focus on my disability too, to just live and not be conscious of how much time it takes. And this weekend it was easy, because I was mostly doing things I enjoy very much – cooking, being with friends and reading.
And now, as Sunday evening is coming to a close, I’m starting to think about what my week has to bring, what my TO DO lists will include. I know this week I’ll have to chase down my doctor for that signature for my wheelchair, and I think I’m due for a dexascan of my bones. I need to make an appointment for the garage to look at my car’s brakes. I’ll figure out the rest of my projects tomorrow morning. I don’t want to ruin a good feeling with too much planning right now!
Friday my spinal cord injury support group met, which when you really boil it down, is really a group of friends getting together over lunch. Sure, we have some interests in common, but aren’t a lot of friends like that? I then spent my afternoon making crème brulee, and what I fondly call balsamic tar (reduced balsamic vinegar becomes like a syrup). These foods were for dinner guests on Saturday.
Saturday Jim and I went to Whole Foods in the morning, and I spent the afternoon cooking. The menu - first course: mandarin oranges and avocado on romaine with a homemade orangey dressing and grilled shrimp. Second course: filet mignon stuffed with gorgonzola and shallots, wrapped with prosciutto, drizzled with tar, and served with grilled summer veggies. Dessert was crème brulee with a chocolate hazelnut sauce. Wines with all courses of course, our guests brought 2 bottles and we had a dessert wine to pour. It was a fun evening – good food, good company.
I like to cook. I guess that is apparent. You could say I cheated with my marinades for the veggies and shrimp, for I will take a decent salad dressing and doctor it up. And the chocolate sauce was not my own. But I don’t feel shame in this, the food was awfully good!
Sunday David and Amy invited Jim and me out for Mother’s Day Brunch, which I enjoyed. That’s about the right amount of Mother’s Day fuss for me – a couple hours of time with family. And this afternoon I talked to my 3 mothers – my own mom, Jim’s mom, and my ex-husband’s mom. I read the New York Times and SD Union- Tribune totally (a rare happening, more usually I read the funnies and clip the coupons and set aside the serious news for later), and finished my book club book. We had salmon for dinner, which Jim cooked on the grill.
Aside from doing stretches and extra time in the bathroom, and the SCI meeting which barely counts in this category, I can’t say my weekend was shaped by my disability at all. I suppose whether I choose to count the SCI support group as disability related is as much related to my frame of mind as anything. If I have topics I feel a need to talk about, or my disability is feeling oppressive then I’d call it disability related. But last week it did just feel like a group of friends coming over for lunch. Which isn’t to say I didn’t get anything useful out of it. Someone suggested that I get my leather gloves relined with nylon when the silk tears, an interesting idea that I just might try one day.
I have a list of ideas for future blog posts, subjects I want to write about at some point. But for this last weekend it was nice NOT to focus on my disability too, to just live and not be conscious of how much time it takes. And this weekend it was easy, because I was mostly doing things I enjoy very much – cooking, being with friends and reading.
And now, as Sunday evening is coming to a close, I’m starting to think about what my week has to bring, what my TO DO lists will include. I know this week I’ll have to chase down my doctor for that signature for my wheelchair, and I think I’m due for a dexascan of my bones. I need to make an appointment for the garage to look at my car’s brakes. I’ll figure out the rest of my projects tomorrow morning. I don’t want to ruin a good feeling with too much planning right now!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Parenting
Spending this past week with my sister and my niece has reminded me of how demanding being a parent of a young child can be. I am glad I am through those years, I don’t have the energy for a young child 24/7 anymore – though perhaps Lizzie was more demanding than average. Still, when you become a parent you have to be willing to bring up whatever child you are given. You don’t get to say, “I want a child, but only a sweet intelligent and lively little girl!” So, I believe it’s an activity better taken on by people closer to 25 than 50! However, I don’t for a minute regret having kids.
David is 25, Stephen is 23, and both are very grown up and independent. David is working, owns a house and a dog, lives with his girlfriend. Stephen is still a grad student, but financially on his own. I see them less than I’d like to of course, but at least now I like to think they see me because they want to, not because they are required. Stephen didn’t have to come down last weekend, and the fact that he did consequently has more meaning as a result.
The women I know who have disabilities and have grown-up children, seem to have good relationships with those children. They all appear to have become responsible adults, well enough adjusted, with the same range of problems and difficulties as those with non-disabled parents. I don’t know what these young adults have gained or lost overall, there’s no way to know what they would have been like if their mom could play soccer with them, or hike in the mountains with them. I suspect that at the time, they might have had some complaints, but now they would say they weren’t an issue anymore.
Like all children everywhere, they grow up to love their parents as they are. When children are really little they have no concept of their parents as being flawed, but just of being there. The realization of the limitations of their disabled parent comes in later, when there is a growing awareness of other kids and their families. My first husband, the boys’ father, is not white. Ranjan comes from Sri Lanka, a small country near the tip of India, and his skin is a dark brown. For all I know their first awareness of difference with friends was more connected to being of mixed race than of being the child of a person with a disability. I should ask them sometime what age they were when they first saw me as different, and also how old they were when they realized it didn’t matter, or if they ever had those thoughts consciously at all.
I believe the biggest challenge for a PWD who wants to be a parent, is not the parenting itself, but a lack of confidence. Before David was born, I remember worrying about not being able to pick my kid up, to get him to come when I called or that he would run from me, to give him a bath. What you forget is that you are not alone. Even single parents need not be alone. You make yourself resourceful, and find ways around challenges.
I could make a long list of tasks I had a hard time with, and then how we coped with them. Hard for me to get out of the car? – so I found preschools where I could drop my child off without my having to get out of the car, where the staff would check them in at the curb for me. Trouble with wheeling over sand, and into playgrounds? - I found playgroups where other parents were willing to retrieve my child off the top of a jungle gym, or out of a sandbox when he had scraped his shin. Worried about them running off? - I carried my kids on my lap till they were 3 or 4, belted in so they couldn’t fall off, and then later used a leash till they were about 5. I found a narrow beach with a flat cement sidewalk near the beach for me to sit while they played in the sand. I could see them at all times, and there was a lifeguard. Oshkosh overalls are great for picking up toddlers by the back of their pants. A totally baby-proofed house means that the house is effectively a giant playpen, and then you don’t have to chase after a child to keep them safe and out of harm’s way. Ranjan had bath duty.
It’s possible that having a parent with a disability may have given my children some benefits as well. They had to tolerate my taking longer to do some things, learning patience. They have a greater sense of architectural barriers than the average person because there were times that they couldn’t go somewhere because of a lack of parking. And they learned to be more self-sufficient younger, when mom couldn’t get into the bathrooms with them.
It was not always easy. I remember one time I was going to a dermatologist, and the accessible entrance door was locked. I believe David was about 7 or 8 and he was with me that day, and I wanted him to go in the main entrance, say his mom used a wheelchair and the door was locked and come back out. This was before cell phones, for now I’d just call the office and tell them myself! But then, he fussed so, and I never did know what worried him, but he got himself over it and went in on his own and survived it.
Or from the other side, it wasn’t always easy for me. If there wasn’t parking I could use, and I wanted milk - I’d head to a 7-Eleven so that I could park where I could see the cashier, and then let Stephen run in to get the milk – hoping there would be no mishaps, and that he could handle the money ok. It seemed to me that a child who had difficulty getting a heavy door to the convenience store open must not be old enough to make a purchase there, but then we’d not have milk that night either. And except for my anxiety about letting him out of my reach, it really was a task he could do.
My kids learned to do their own laundry and to pump gas younger than their peers, but I don’t think any of these kinds of tasks were asked of them before they were capable of handling them.
Overall, I believe most anyone with a disability can be a good parent if they want to. You may need to be a little more resourceful to find solutions to problems, and may need to rely on others for assistance. But if you show your child love, and are there when they need support, and show them that you are not limiting their own activities because of your limitations, they will thrive. Just because someone can walk, doesn’t meant they will play soccer, and a child interested in soccer most likely needs a team and a coach more than an adult playmate.
I loved being a mom of school age children, all those years from about 4 – 12. Not that I didn’t like the other years also (still like being a mom of adult children!), but those middle years were so much fun. So much curiosity and energy, and trust in the world. I’m looking forward to grandkids one day, not too soon, but I hope I do get a chance to watch my kids have kids.
David is 25, Stephen is 23, and both are very grown up and independent. David is working, owns a house and a dog, lives with his girlfriend. Stephen is still a grad student, but financially on his own. I see them less than I’d like to of course, but at least now I like to think they see me because they want to, not because they are required. Stephen didn’t have to come down last weekend, and the fact that he did consequently has more meaning as a result.
The women I know who have disabilities and have grown-up children, seem to have good relationships with those children. They all appear to have become responsible adults, well enough adjusted, with the same range of problems and difficulties as those with non-disabled parents. I don’t know what these young adults have gained or lost overall, there’s no way to know what they would have been like if their mom could play soccer with them, or hike in the mountains with them. I suspect that at the time, they might have had some complaints, but now they would say they weren’t an issue anymore.
Like all children everywhere, they grow up to love their parents as they are. When children are really little they have no concept of their parents as being flawed, but just of being there. The realization of the limitations of their disabled parent comes in later, when there is a growing awareness of other kids and their families. My first husband, the boys’ father, is not white. Ranjan comes from Sri Lanka, a small country near the tip of India, and his skin is a dark brown. For all I know their first awareness of difference with friends was more connected to being of mixed race than of being the child of a person with a disability. I should ask them sometime what age they were when they first saw me as different, and also how old they were when they realized it didn’t matter, or if they ever had those thoughts consciously at all.
I believe the biggest challenge for a PWD who wants to be a parent, is not the parenting itself, but a lack of confidence. Before David was born, I remember worrying about not being able to pick my kid up, to get him to come when I called or that he would run from me, to give him a bath. What you forget is that you are not alone. Even single parents need not be alone. You make yourself resourceful, and find ways around challenges.
I could make a long list of tasks I had a hard time with, and then how we coped with them. Hard for me to get out of the car? – so I found preschools where I could drop my child off without my having to get out of the car, where the staff would check them in at the curb for me. Trouble with wheeling over sand, and into playgrounds? - I found playgroups where other parents were willing to retrieve my child off the top of a jungle gym, or out of a sandbox when he had scraped his shin. Worried about them running off? - I carried my kids on my lap till they were 3 or 4, belted in so they couldn’t fall off, and then later used a leash till they were about 5. I found a narrow beach with a flat cement sidewalk near the beach for me to sit while they played in the sand. I could see them at all times, and there was a lifeguard. Oshkosh overalls are great for picking up toddlers by the back of their pants. A totally baby-proofed house means that the house is effectively a giant playpen, and then you don’t have to chase after a child to keep them safe and out of harm’s way. Ranjan had bath duty.
It’s possible that having a parent with a disability may have given my children some benefits as well. They had to tolerate my taking longer to do some things, learning patience. They have a greater sense of architectural barriers than the average person because there were times that they couldn’t go somewhere because of a lack of parking. And they learned to be more self-sufficient younger, when mom couldn’t get into the bathrooms with them.
It was not always easy. I remember one time I was going to a dermatologist, and the accessible entrance door was locked. I believe David was about 7 or 8 and he was with me that day, and I wanted him to go in the main entrance, say his mom used a wheelchair and the door was locked and come back out. This was before cell phones, for now I’d just call the office and tell them myself! But then, he fussed so, and I never did know what worried him, but he got himself over it and went in on his own and survived it.
Or from the other side, it wasn’t always easy for me. If there wasn’t parking I could use, and I wanted milk - I’d head to a 7-Eleven so that I could park where I could see the cashier, and then let Stephen run in to get the milk – hoping there would be no mishaps, and that he could handle the money ok. It seemed to me that a child who had difficulty getting a heavy door to the convenience store open must not be old enough to make a purchase there, but then we’d not have milk that night either. And except for my anxiety about letting him out of my reach, it really was a task he could do.
My kids learned to do their own laundry and to pump gas younger than their peers, but I don’t think any of these kinds of tasks were asked of them before they were capable of handling them.
Overall, I believe most anyone with a disability can be a good parent if they want to. You may need to be a little more resourceful to find solutions to problems, and may need to rely on others for assistance. But if you show your child love, and are there when they need support, and show them that you are not limiting their own activities because of your limitations, they will thrive. Just because someone can walk, doesn’t meant they will play soccer, and a child interested in soccer most likely needs a team and a coach more than an adult playmate.
I loved being a mom of school age children, all those years from about 4 – 12. Not that I didn’t like the other years also (still like being a mom of adult children!), but those middle years were so much fun. So much curiosity and energy, and trust in the world. I’m looking forward to grandkids one day, not too soon, but I hope I do get a chance to watch my kids have kids.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
clothing
This week I’ve given Johanna several items of my clothing. I didn’t keep track, but I can recall at least 5 short sleeve shirts, 3 long sleeve shirts, 2 pairs of pants and 1 jacket, including one shirt I bought for myself as a birthday gift 2 years ago but have only worn once. In fact, most of the clothing I’ve only worn once or twice. 2 of the items were in the purple family, not my color. 3 were very neutral colors, and I like to wear brighter colors these days, but the rest were because they just didn’t fit well.
I find buying clothes hard. When you sit all the time, you want shirts longer in the back so that they cover, but not so long in the front that they bunch up. Pants need to be full in the seat because otherwise they pinch at the waist, and also full in the leg to be able to get them on. I buy talls so that there is enough rise through the butt, and so that the leg is long enough to touch my shoes, but often that means too much fabric in front.
As I’ve gotten older, and fuller through the middle, this problem has gotten worse. I remember years ago, someone referring to the para-quad belly, and I stupidly was pleased that wasn’t me! That was before kids and middle age took its toll. Having babies stretched my stomach in a way that a para cannot exercised away. And I have gained weight over the years steadily, but surely.
There’s also the problem of posture. Not sitting up straight makes your stomach pooch out even more. So, snug clothing is not attractive. I hope to help this with a new wheelchair, but it won’t fix the posture problem entirely.
Anyone who is curious, next time you go clothes shopping and try something on – look at yourself while standing, then sit down and decide if you like it. The clothes will not fit the same.
Johanna and I agree that if I weren’t sitting all the time and didn’t have other complications that being a para means, we’d probably be the exact same size and shape. She’s an inch taller, I’m 5 pounds heavier (and 5 years older, so that makes sense). Even now, our bodies are so close in size it’s amazing. We can wear each other’s bras. Where we differ is in pant size, where I’m one size larger. And we differ especially in HOW things fit. So, a lot of my “hand-me-down” clothes are really failed fashion attempts.
The one that hurts the most to give away, is the birthday item I treated myself to. It is an olive , black and brown (think cammoflage) blouse with a low round neckline, gathered around the neck and sleeves, with a band around the hips. It’s a slinky feeling, sexy thing – well, as sexy as I get! On Johanna it sits nicely, not so low it shows cleavage, but gives a good shape. On me, the back rides up, which makes the front hang too low, and I’m fighting to keep my bra covered (got no cleavage), and feeling like I’m a board from neck to bra. Well, I am very small breasted, so perhaps I am a board! But this blouse made me feel totally flat-chested. I tried wearing clips to hold the shirt to the bra at the right level, and all I ended up with was raw red spots where the clips kept rubbing. The shirt has sat in my drawer for a year. I liked it enough to buy it – I wanted it to fit!
I could give these failures to charity, but prefer to give them to my sister and imagine how they might look on me. It’s a weird way to behave perhaps, maybe even a bit painful. Johanna is happy to get the stuff – it’s generally in great shape, and the price is right, and it fits! If she doesn’t like something, she gives it back. I’m not offended.
Once I tried clothing specifically made for people who use wheelchairs. The pants are cut low in front, full in back, long in leg. You have to measure yourself in a different way. Unfortunately the selection was limited, and the fit was less than ideal. The front fit, but it lacked the creases that most people have when sitting, so it looked odd. Perhaps I should try this again one day.
Recently I saw an article in the paper about 2 women starting a company that advises women on fashion. The basic principle of what looks good depends on the horizontal lines of neckline, shirt hemline, jacket length, sleeve length, and pant hem. Their before and after pictures are impressive. They do some other alterations to clothing too, like taking in full pant legs and waists, but overall I’d agree that their methods work. Check them out at www.thefashioncode.com. But what if you are sitting? I’m tempted to email them and ask. There are some other problems with their approach too – they care little for comfort or practical concerns. For example they advocate for pointy shoes, and like to cut jacket sleeves a few inches above the wrist, which is totally annoying and cold.
I find shopping for clothes tiresome, pants especially. I’ll buy pants from catalogs where I can request At-Waist waistbands, and 34” inseam, and a full leg. I’ll continue to experiment with shirts but fall back on longer T-style shirts with something decorative.
Today, I bought myself a beautiful, salmon colored scarf from India, with tiny little mirrors on it. Scarves are one size fits all, and go with all kinds of shirts. I have a drawer full of them.
I find buying clothes hard. When you sit all the time, you want shirts longer in the back so that they cover, but not so long in the front that they bunch up. Pants need to be full in the seat because otherwise they pinch at the waist, and also full in the leg to be able to get them on. I buy talls so that there is enough rise through the butt, and so that the leg is long enough to touch my shoes, but often that means too much fabric in front.
As I’ve gotten older, and fuller through the middle, this problem has gotten worse. I remember years ago, someone referring to the para-quad belly, and I stupidly was pleased that wasn’t me! That was before kids and middle age took its toll. Having babies stretched my stomach in a way that a para cannot exercised away. And I have gained weight over the years steadily, but surely.
There’s also the problem of posture. Not sitting up straight makes your stomach pooch out even more. So, snug clothing is not attractive. I hope to help this with a new wheelchair, but it won’t fix the posture problem entirely.
Anyone who is curious, next time you go clothes shopping and try something on – look at yourself while standing, then sit down and decide if you like it. The clothes will not fit the same.
Johanna and I agree that if I weren’t sitting all the time and didn’t have other complications that being a para means, we’d probably be the exact same size and shape. She’s an inch taller, I’m 5 pounds heavier (and 5 years older, so that makes sense). Even now, our bodies are so close in size it’s amazing. We can wear each other’s bras. Where we differ is in pant size, where I’m one size larger. And we differ especially in HOW things fit. So, a lot of my “hand-me-down” clothes are really failed fashion attempts.
The one that hurts the most to give away, is the birthday item I treated myself to. It is an olive , black and brown (think cammoflage) blouse with a low round neckline, gathered around the neck and sleeves, with a band around the hips. It’s a slinky feeling, sexy thing – well, as sexy as I get! On Johanna it sits nicely, not so low it shows cleavage, but gives a good shape. On me, the back rides up, which makes the front hang too low, and I’m fighting to keep my bra covered (got no cleavage), and feeling like I’m a board from neck to bra. Well, I am very small breasted, so perhaps I am a board! But this blouse made me feel totally flat-chested. I tried wearing clips to hold the shirt to the bra at the right level, and all I ended up with was raw red spots where the clips kept rubbing. The shirt has sat in my drawer for a year. I liked it enough to buy it – I wanted it to fit!
I could give these failures to charity, but prefer to give them to my sister and imagine how they might look on me. It’s a weird way to behave perhaps, maybe even a bit painful. Johanna is happy to get the stuff – it’s generally in great shape, and the price is right, and it fits! If she doesn’t like something, she gives it back. I’m not offended.
Once I tried clothing specifically made for people who use wheelchairs. The pants are cut low in front, full in back, long in leg. You have to measure yourself in a different way. Unfortunately the selection was limited, and the fit was less than ideal. The front fit, but it lacked the creases that most people have when sitting, so it looked odd. Perhaps I should try this again one day.
Recently I saw an article in the paper about 2 women starting a company that advises women on fashion. The basic principle of what looks good depends on the horizontal lines of neckline, shirt hemline, jacket length, sleeve length, and pant hem. Their before and after pictures are impressive. They do some other alterations to clothing too, like taking in full pant legs and waists, but overall I’d agree that their methods work. Check them out at www.thefashioncode.com. But what if you are sitting? I’m tempted to email them and ask. There are some other problems with their approach too – they care little for comfort or practical concerns. For example they advocate for pointy shoes, and like to cut jacket sleeves a few inches above the wrist, which is totally annoying and cold.
I find shopping for clothes tiresome, pants especially. I’ll buy pants from catalogs where I can request At-Waist waistbands, and 34” inseam, and a full leg. I’ll continue to experiment with shirts but fall back on longer T-style shirts with something decorative.
Today, I bought myself a beautiful, salmon colored scarf from India, with tiny little mirrors on it. Scarves are one size fits all, and go with all kinds of shirts. I have a drawer full of them.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I was called Grandma today
We were at Seaport Village, (Johanna, Lizzie and me) and shopping in a soap shop. Lizzie had already had a long, though good, day and was ready to shop in the Safari shop – for her afternoon reward. But first we were browsing in the shops Johanna and I wanted to go into, (because you know as soon as you get that present a certain someone will be ready to leave!) and at the moment it was a soap shop. Consequently, Lizzie was bored, and playing with the bath toys, perhaps a bit too roughly. And consequently, Johanna was snapping at her just a little to get her to behave. I don’t remember what I said, or exactly what the shopkeeper said – but I do remember that she prefixed her statement with “Grandma, …..” and she was clearly talking to me!!
I do believe this was the first time anyone ever called me Grandma, and as much as I would love to be a grandma one day, this was not the right day to hear it! Me? Be my sister’s mother? Sure I could be Lizzie’s Grandma, I’m old enough for that, but Johanna’s mother? Humph.
It helped that the woman in the shop was old enough to be a grandma herself, so it wasn’t some young kid’s assessment of old age – or does that make it worse, not better? And she knew Jo was from out of town, and I was local, so the chances were high we were family. And I look older, am older! She made a quick judgment, correctly, that Johanna was Lizzie’s mom. Where she messed up was in my relationship to that pair. And I had a hat on, she couldn’t see me well – that makes a difference, right? Did the wheelchair make a difference too?
Johanna and I have been laughing about this all evening. I didn’t realize she heard the woman’s comment till we got home later, when she called me “Grandma” with a smirk. I was kind of hoping she hadn’t heard the comment! Eh, I’ll get her back one day.
We took the amphibious SEAL tour from Seaport Village. I had no idea it was wheelchair accessible till the Expo, where I saw an ad for it in the Access San Diego magazine. I suppose it makes sense though, the ADA would require it I guess. It was a decent ride – half an hour to drive to and from Seaport Village and the boat dock past the airport, and an hour on the water. The blue whale that has visited our bay for 2 days didn’t show though. Oh well. We saw sea lions and got a good sense of how much military land there is around the bay. It was a pleasant way to spend the afternoon. So, I would recommend it. If you have a wheelchair though, call the day before to set it up, to be sure one of the accessible vehicles is there at the time you want to ride.
I do believe this was the first time anyone ever called me Grandma, and as much as I would love to be a grandma one day, this was not the right day to hear it! Me? Be my sister’s mother? Sure I could be Lizzie’s Grandma, I’m old enough for that, but Johanna’s mother? Humph.
It helped that the woman in the shop was old enough to be a grandma herself, so it wasn’t some young kid’s assessment of old age – or does that make it worse, not better? And she knew Jo was from out of town, and I was local, so the chances were high we were family. And I look older, am older! She made a quick judgment, correctly, that Johanna was Lizzie’s mom. Where she messed up was in my relationship to that pair. And I had a hat on, she couldn’t see me well – that makes a difference, right? Did the wheelchair make a difference too?
Johanna and I have been laughing about this all evening. I didn’t realize she heard the woman’s comment till we got home later, when she called me “Grandma” with a smirk. I was kind of hoping she hadn’t heard the comment! Eh, I’ll get her back one day.
We took the amphibious SEAL tour from Seaport Village. I had no idea it was wheelchair accessible till the Expo, where I saw an ad for it in the Access San Diego magazine. I suppose it makes sense though, the ADA would require it I guess. It was a decent ride – half an hour to drive to and from Seaport Village and the boat dock past the airport, and an hour on the water. The blue whale that has visited our bay for 2 days didn’t show though. Oh well. We saw sea lions and got a good sense of how much military land there is around the bay. It was a pleasant way to spend the afternoon. So, I would recommend it. If you have a wheelchair though, call the day before to set it up, to be sure one of the accessible vehicles is there at the time you want to ride.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Catch up
I am truly happy right now, with my sister in town. I'm busy, and now a bit tired, but I don't mind. Her daughter is a handful - just a bundle of non-stop energy and chatter (till she finally crashes around 9 PM) - but she's a good kid. I'm enjoying being able to cook for my sis. And I've done more laughing in the past 3 days than in months before. I don't want to do chores or exercises, or really even write - I want to be with my sister! And it was even better with Stephen here over the weekend, since I feel I never see him enough.
I'm not feeling the same frustration that I felt when Jim's mother was here. Then I felt like I didn't have enough time to write, and that my writing was a low priority that I had to change. At the moment I almost could say I don't care if I write at all this week! I do know she won't be here much longer, and the keyboard will be here after she is gone. But I knew that with Phyllis here too.
So, I have to concede that there is a fundamental difference between the 2 visits, for me. I imagine that Jim would have a slightly different spin on this. He spent more free time with his mom, than he's doing with Johanna - but I suspect he'd say that Jo and Lizzie's visit is harder work for him. His emotional attachment, naturally, is stronger to his mother. Mine is to my sister. Makes sense.
But where does that place my writing? What about my attempt to write daily? I did skip one day. Is it better to write something, no matter how simple, or better to skip more days and write something more thought through? I don't know.
Some things that have occurred to me recently that would be good blog post topics:
2 elevators and a back entrance to get into George's terrace for a lunch today. I love that restaurant, but wish they would upgrade the building.
seating in places with fixed seats is often a problem, and I think the San Diego Civic Theater and SD Opera are breaking the ADA with their seat offerings. We've put up with lousy seats for a few years now, but they just redid their price categories, and this has made it even more obviously unequal. For the first time since the law was passed in 1990 I am seriously considering filing a complaint with the Dept of Justice - not a law suit, or anything for financial gain, just something to force them to comply. On the other hand, Petco park seating is great, and we've got tickets for Memorial Day. I'm not much of a baseball fan, but enjoy going once in a while, especially if there are fireworks.
pet peeves - handicapped parking, don't get me started!
I think that right now is the absolutely best time of year here in San Diego. Many days are perfect - 68 - 70 degrees, cool in the morning, sunny with a slight breeze in the afternoon. Days are a little longer, and if it rains it's only at night! Flowers are blooming - roses, orchids, bougainvillea, pittosporum, lantana, citrus trees, and all the weeds on the hillsides. I even have a Christmas cactus blooming! With weather like this, why go somewhere for a vacation? We're in the most perfect place on earth! And yet, we signed up this week for an October 2011 cruise to Greece and Turkey, round trip out of Rome. Luckily it's far enough away, I don't really have to do anything for a while yet. This does seem to be the way we are - just finished one vacation, and then we start planning another. And of course, it'll be another complicated one, another adventure.
Lastly, the Hillcrest farmer's market was much larger and varied than I expected. Why did it take me so long to go there? I'll be going back sometime just with Jim, so I can linger. For now, my fridge is full of all kinds of wonderful things to eat.
I'm not feeling the same frustration that I felt when Jim's mother was here. Then I felt like I didn't have enough time to write, and that my writing was a low priority that I had to change. At the moment I almost could say I don't care if I write at all this week! I do know she won't be here much longer, and the keyboard will be here after she is gone. But I knew that with Phyllis here too.
So, I have to concede that there is a fundamental difference between the 2 visits, for me. I imagine that Jim would have a slightly different spin on this. He spent more free time with his mom, than he's doing with Johanna - but I suspect he'd say that Jo and Lizzie's visit is harder work for him. His emotional attachment, naturally, is stronger to his mother. Mine is to my sister. Makes sense.
But where does that place my writing? What about my attempt to write daily? I did skip one day. Is it better to write something, no matter how simple, or better to skip more days and write something more thought through? I don't know.
Some things that have occurred to me recently that would be good blog post topics:
2 elevators and a back entrance to get into George's terrace for a lunch today. I love that restaurant, but wish they would upgrade the building.
seating in places with fixed seats is often a problem, and I think the San Diego Civic Theater and SD Opera are breaking the ADA with their seat offerings. We've put up with lousy seats for a few years now, but they just redid their price categories, and this has made it even more obviously unequal. For the first time since the law was passed in 1990 I am seriously considering filing a complaint with the Dept of Justice - not a law suit, or anything for financial gain, just something to force them to comply. On the other hand, Petco park seating is great, and we've got tickets for Memorial Day. I'm not much of a baseball fan, but enjoy going once in a while, especially if there are fireworks.
pet peeves - handicapped parking, don't get me started!
I think that right now is the absolutely best time of year here in San Diego. Many days are perfect - 68 - 70 degrees, cool in the morning, sunny with a slight breeze in the afternoon. Days are a little longer, and if it rains it's only at night! Flowers are blooming - roses, orchids, bougainvillea, pittosporum, lantana, citrus trees, and all the weeds on the hillsides. I even have a Christmas cactus blooming! With weather like this, why go somewhere for a vacation? We're in the most perfect place on earth! And yet, we signed up this week for an October 2011 cruise to Greece and Turkey, round trip out of Rome. Luckily it's far enough away, I don't really have to do anything for a while yet. This does seem to be the way we are - just finished one vacation, and then we start planning another. And of course, it'll be another complicated one, another adventure.
Lastly, the Hillcrest farmer's market was much larger and varied than I expected. Why did it take me so long to go there? I'll be going back sometime just with Jim, so I can linger. For now, my fridge is full of all kinds of wonderful things to eat.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
a good weekend
Having a good time and happy. My sister, Johanna, and her daughter, Lizzie, arrived yesterday for a week. Stephen came down from Berkeley for the weekend, and David and Amy were here for dinner today.
It's been a while since I was around an 8 year old, and I'm getting a refresher course on how demanding being with a child all day can be. Lizzie is more talkative and active than the average child, but all the same, I'm glad I'm not a parent of a young child now. My kids were a little calmer, but it was still full time work. And I don't think I could do it well at this point. Grandkids might be nice one day though!
We walked around La Jolla, and saw the seals yesterday. Today was my first time at the Hillcrest Farmer's Market, which I definitely will go back to again. Tomorrow Jo and Lizzie go to Sea World, so I have most of the day to myself.
I'm just posting this today, to try to put something in every day. I don't have the energy to put a lot of thought into what I'm writing - other than to just say it's been a good weekend, with my favorite family all here.
It's been a while since I was around an 8 year old, and I'm getting a refresher course on how demanding being with a child all day can be. Lizzie is more talkative and active than the average child, but all the same, I'm glad I'm not a parent of a young child now. My kids were a little calmer, but it was still full time work. And I don't think I could do it well at this point. Grandkids might be nice one day though!
We walked around La Jolla, and saw the seals yesterday. Today was my first time at the Hillcrest Farmer's Market, which I definitely will go back to again. Tomorrow Jo and Lizzie go to Sea World, so I have most of the day to myself.
I'm just posting this today, to try to put something in every day. I don't have the energy to put a lot of thought into what I'm writing - other than to just say it's been a good weekend, with my favorite family all here.
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