Sleepless

I can’t sleep. And since Jim is out of town, I can be up in the middle of the night and not bother him. I get days like this once in a while, not always for the same reasons. Usually there is something on my mind that I’m trying to think through. Occasionally some body part hurts. Today, I just feel a sense of wanting to GET STUFF DONE!

So, it’s 3:30 AM and I can hear my new bamboo wind chime bird out front clicking away. The house is quiet, and peaceful, and the cats are a bit confused to have me up. I have a load of wash in the dryer. I’ve just done some online research on home insulation, and I’ve tried to figure out which framers I’m going to call tomorrow for their ideas about how to frame some tiles we got from Uruguay. I made a short grocery list for tomorrow, and I’m thinking of paying some bills. I may pay for this busy night tomorrow, but I won’t mind. It’ll feel good to have accomplished some of this work. And I’ll get some sleep, so I won’t be a total wreck.

I’m not manic, or even feeling particularly energetic. I’m just tired of feeling like my TO DO list is never done. A few years ago, not long after Jim and I got married, and after both my kids were away in college, my mother asked me what I did all day. It kind of surprised me – she’s been retired for years, what does she do all day? She probably doesn’t remember asking me this, and I don’t remember the context of the question either. Perhaps it was just a curiosity question, and my memory has distorted what was said. But, all the same, I have thought about it every so often since, “what do I do all day?”

And yet, this week feels like it’s been busier than usual, and when Jim’s away, that’s not typical. I did take it easy on Monday, recovering from houseguests, I guess.

Anyway, yesterday (Wednesday) I saw the hand surgeon, and her assessment is that it’s not the right time for me to have surgery. I like this doctor a lot (Julie Ohayon) and if and when I do have surgery, she’ll be the one to do it. She explained that the time to have surgery is when you are feeling real discomfort or pain. That’s not where I am right now. I get twinges and twangs of pain from time to time, but most of the time I am pain free. I guess some of the changes I’ve made – new way to transfer, wearing the brace when I have a lot of pushing to do – and my attempts to be more aware of when I stress my wrist, have paid off.

She poked me right on my most painful spot, and today there was nothing there. Like the other surgeon I saw, she also says that after surgery there will be nothing I can do that will hurt me more during recovery, and that I should heal just fine without limiting my activity. She has people wear a small brace more for their comfort than because it is needed. And once the surgery is done, the tendonitis cannot come back. The band that gets cut expands when it heals. It sounds like there are no negative side effects or risks. I didn’t exactly ask what all the things that could happen if it all goes wrong, maybe next time.

I’m a good candidate for the surgery apparently. No osteoarthritis or rheumatoid arthritis. The cortisone worked well, which means that it’s only tendonitis in one spot. And the cortisone doesn’t seem to have harmed me any either, not much loss of fatty tissue or strength.

For now, I’ll continue using the topical anti-inflammatory when I feel pain. But if full DeQuervain’s tendonitis comes back, no pussy-footing around then. I’m just going to do the surgery and be done with it.

The other disability thing that happened today was more about my losing (hopefully just misplacing!) something than about my disability. One of my arm pads cracked, making my chair arm rather uncomfortable. It cracked the full length of the arm, on the bottom, so that leaning on the armrest caused my arm to slide off and down. Luckily I had a spare, so I didn’t have to wait till I got to a repair shop to pick one up. But I couldn’t find my collection of “Wheelchair Emergency” Allen wrenches. The last time I had it was on our vacation, for it goes with me when I travel. I must have spent an hour searching for it everywhere, and I hate feeling disorganized. Perhaps it’ll turn up somewhere. I managed to swap out the broken arm for the new one, using another set of wrenches we had in our tool drawer, so my chair is fine. But where did my special set go?

I got a few curious emails today. The first was from a woman who had arranged for a group of people with wheelchairs to have some specially set aside seating at an event. I gather people using wheelchairs have attended this event before and found seating awkward. This special seating happens to be near a rear exit door, which is close to the back parking lot. Her email strung together the words “designated seating”, “back of the room” and “exit”. Someone else in the email group reacted rather badly, and is ready to have his ADA lawyer attend the event to see if there’s an equal rights violation. I admit my first reaction to her wording, was to be offended. But I do believe the event coordinator is trying to satisfy a need, not segregate, so she means well. I doubt though that her solution is legal. And it makes me feel sorry I’ll miss this meeting and the fireworks. It’s been a while since I saw disability rights advocates at work. There were a couple more emails with comments beyond that, and not everyone sees the subject the same way. I suggested to her (privately) that she use Bcc in future for her group emails.

It’s now about 4:30, and my laundry is done. The bills will wait another day, or two. I think I should go to bed for a few hours, so I have some sleep before I need to be up at 9. Goodnight all.